[ not so long after a conversation held in the marisva's little pop culture nook, peggy takes it upon herself to make good on her threat. the night cycles have only gotten more and more challenging as mere acquaintances and trusted allies alike are exposed to the tender underbelly of her mind. it's exhausting -- and apart from that one morning she'd woken after steve had been there, every visit feels as though it ends in defeat whenever another person manages to wrangle the blood sample from her younger self.
she wakes up yearning for him again: for his safety and his security and the certainty of his presence. every night leads to a morning where she realizes how unprepared she is to lose him once more.
so, on this morning, she slips out of her assigned room almost immediately after waking. soon enough, others will trickle into the halls -- they all seem to 'wake' at the same time, barring anyone who chooses to laze about. bare-footed and wearing the simple (inelegant) lounge-wear provided for her, she steal her way to steve's room and toggles the door controls. due to ill-use or a glitch, it seems to hang for a moment before it opens fully -- but when it does, she's treated to the reassuring sight of him still in his bed.
peggy's no fool. she understands that he'd likely heard someone at his door. if he didn't wake at its opening, he certainly would when it closes behind her. although she's never managed to test the boundaries of his peak hearing, she would rather overestimate it above the alternative.
she sighs out the breath that she's been holding and crawls into his bed. now, it's her turn to secure an arm around his waist and pull him possessively against her front. she noses into his neck and gifts a kiss to the apex of his spine.
good morning, she communicates without a word said. ]
steve wakes up feeling even more tired than he was when he went to sleep. falling asleep feels forced. not entirely surprising, given the nightmare world that waits in the darker hours of the night. he simply knows there isn't no way to stay awake through it. they'll send him to the dance hall by force if they have to.
this night wasn't too different. he remembers it all too well, the music and the missed dance. he closes his eyes and wills the images to disappear.
he's half asleep when she arrives. he doesn't startle at the sound of her footsteps, he knows them by heart, same as the sound of her breathing. it allows him to stay in the pleasant place between sleep and awake when she slips close. he smiles, murmurs her name, his fingers lacing with hers. ]
[ she doesn't need to see his smile to know it's there. she hears it curling around her name -- and fancies she can feel it even in how he takes hold of her hand. peggy's head tilts against the broad back of his shoulders. she goes as far as to hook her ankle around the front of his shin, anchoring herself to him. ]
-- Shh, darling. [ the first words she's said since hearing the echo of bye, my darling in her dreams. she regrets it almost immediately. ] Go back to sleep if you can. I'll be here.
[ steve, on the other hand, hums his satisfaction. some things must be taken out of their grim context and put into a pleasant one. each one is a victory, dancing, being on time and now, this will have to be the next one. he's not going to give up this endearment ( darling ) so easily.
twelve more minutes, that's the sleep he manages to steal, but each one is sweeter than an hour of forced, restless sleep. when they pass, he turns in her arms, rests his head against her shoulder. ]
[ she counts his breaths and lets her thoughts wander above that steady metronome. in effect, peggy exorcises the pain of the night by staying here with him. it's a satisfaction she might otherwise have hidden, but the marsiva (and the calibrations aboard) have been trying enough -- perhaps satisfaction is what they both now need.
he wakes and he shifts and he turns toward her. peggy curls her fingers against the back of his neck and steadies him in place. she pulls a breath which ruffles his hair. ]
I would have thought you're already well-accustomed to it -- given what mornings aboard the Starstruck are like.
It's nice not to have to device plans to keep you still, for once.
[ his smile is evident now, lips curling against her shoulder. he noses closer, kisses the patch of skin he finds there. it's a quiet sort of comfort. they seem to shift between this and vibrant conversation about fond memories and nature documentaries and steve is fond of all of it, the talkative moments as well as these quieter ones. ]
You okay?
[ these nights only seem to be more difficult as time goes by. ]
[ okay is just about all she is. no better; no worse. but that's an unsatisfactory answer, so instead she bides her time and nuzzles her chin against his temple. he's right because he doesn't need to trick her here. or tussle or wrestle or tug or hug or keep. peggy rolls backward by an inch, pulling him with her until she's nearly on her back and he's nearly on his front -- one half of his torso leaned up against her upper body.
she kisses his crown. it's an easy and familiar gesture, by now. but no less sweet for it. ]
I am now. [ peggy answers. and it's honest enough. ] Another rough night?
[ he doesn't attempt to put on any sort of a brave face, not when the truth is so evident and when he's a rather poor liar. Instead, he shifts when she does until his body nearly covers hers. The first time the dance hall nightmare manifested, when wanda created it from his fears and his regrets, it was a painful blow that made certain his mind was somewhere else in the battle.
It might have been the same here if it weren't for her. But Peggy is right there and he looks up, traces her jawline with his thumb. ]
Much better now.
[ in the world the atroma made for him, he will always try to be there for that dance and he will always miss it.
Here, he made it on time more than once. Awkward dancer but still. ]
[ after a moment or two of his tracings, peggy ducks her chin and catches his thumb with her teeth -- what she offers is little more than a kiss once her featherlight bite scrapes free. the sound is soft but it seems to fill the otherwise quiet room.
she's here. but so is he. funerals and memorials be damned, they still have each other for a little longer. last night's losses make this morning a little bit sweeter. no touch, no breath, no scrap of affection can be taken for granted. ]
Perhaps we should be taking turns.
[ her fingers paint invisible lines along his back. ]
[ it's an emotional process, deal with a loss each night only to wake up for a reunion but steve wouldn't trade it for anything else. he knows what lays down the other path, the shallow, morbid sense of grief that he tries not to think about anymore. he did a much better job focusing on how vivid she is before he had to remember her funeral each and every night.
her suggestion or perhaps the fleeting touch of her fingers draw a content sigh. he can feel her heartbeat , steady as it is and for a moment he thinks the rhythm might lull back to sleep again. ]
Are you sure it's in your best interest?
[ this arrangement might mean more than the usual stolen twenty minutes in bed. ]
[ plenty, she knows. last time they'd been taken onto the marsiva, little secrets had made themselves known -- and not the sorts from inside others' heads. if she refrains from telling him so now, then it's only because she knows he'll exhaust himself trying to tear every wall apart.
and peggy -- well, she's not yet convinced those breadcrumbs aren't a trail left behind on purpose just to enervate them. so she keeps it to herself. ]
[ which is more of a compliment than a complain. trust a sharp, clever mind to find something to do even here. however, whatever it is, it could stand to wait a few more minutes, surely. he lifts himself on one elbow, eyeing her. ]
Alright, tomorrow morning, same time. it's a date.
[ he smiles, brushes a few hair strands away from her cheek. ]
[ a date. she nearly confirms -- wry and unimpressed. but she'd agreed to it; hell, she welcomes it. and although she can't say so in hard real words, she misses something found in their mornings together aboard the starstruck. they aren't perfect and she doesn't always enjoy being pulled and kept and barred from getting on with her day. but they are far far far better than being lonely.
her nose crinkles when he turns sentimental again. ]
You're hardly impartial.
[ but the compliment is nice enough. she'd never be caught lingering with anyone else with so little polish put in place. even if that polish is simply combat boots and a practical plait. ]
[ though whenever he relents so easily he also offers some sort of sassy commentary. Today isn't different. Steve could tell her he thinks her most beautiful without her armor, he could probably be bolder and add and fewer clothes and get away with murder.
Instead, he leans in, bumps his nose against hers. ]
If you're really doubting me, we could take a poll.
[ her response begins as a grumble -- moody and contrarian, in spite of how honey-sweet the morning's been thus far. peggy knows he's got his sights set on riling her.
(it's working.)
for months, now, he's been coiling his arguments around the absurd idea that they should treat their relationship like a public thing: to be announced, alluded to, acknowledged. and peggy has taken small steps to that end. but does it really matter? anyone whose opinion they care about already knows and doesn't need to be told. and if there's someone left in the dark, they soon won't be once the nightly dream-rooms get through with them. ]
We could. [ she huffs, tweaking the cuff of his ear. his head stays near; she looks him in his eyes. ] But we won't. You won't.
action » during calibrations
Date: 2017-06-18 12:41 pm (UTC)she wakes up yearning for him again: for his safety and his security and the certainty of his presence. every night leads to a morning where she realizes how unprepared she is to lose him once more.
so, on this morning, she slips out of her assigned room almost immediately after waking. soon enough, others will trickle into the halls -- they all seem to 'wake' at the same time, barring anyone who chooses to laze about. bare-footed and wearing the simple (inelegant) lounge-wear provided for her, she steal her way to steve's room and toggles the door controls. due to ill-use or a glitch, it seems to hang for a moment before it opens fully -- but when it does, she's treated to the reassuring sight of him still in his bed.
peggy's no fool. she understands that he'd likely heard someone at his door. if he didn't wake at its opening, he certainly would when it closes behind her. although she's never managed to test the boundaries of his peak hearing, she would rather overestimate it above the alternative.
she sighs out the breath that she's been holding and crawls into his bed. now, it's her turn to secure an arm around his waist and pull him possessively against her front. she noses into his neck and gifts a kiss to the apex of his spine.
good morning, she communicates without a word said. ]
action »
Date: 2017-06-18 04:22 pm (UTC)steve wakes up feeling even more tired than he was when he went to sleep. falling asleep feels forced. not entirely surprising, given the nightmare world that waits in the darker hours of the night. he simply knows there isn't no way to stay awake through it. they'll send him to the dance hall by force if they have to.
this night wasn't too different. he remembers it all too well, the music and the missed dance. he closes his eyes and wills the images to disappear.
he's half asleep when she arrives. he doesn't startle at the sound of her footsteps, he knows them by heart, same as the sound of her breathing. it allows him to stay in the pleasant place between sleep and awake when she slips close. he smiles, murmurs her name, his fingers lacing with hers. ]
Hey.
action »
Date: 2017-06-18 04:31 pm (UTC)-- Shh, darling. [ the first words she's said since hearing the echo of bye, my darling in her dreams. she regrets it almost immediately. ] Go back to sleep if you can. I'll be here.
[ not sleeping, likely. but nevertheless here. ]
action »
Date: 2017-06-18 05:06 pm (UTC)twelve more minutes, that's the sleep he manages to steal, but each one is sweeter than an hour of forced, restless sleep. when they pass, he turns in her arms, rests his head against her shoulder. ]
you know, you're risking me getting used to this.
action »
Date: 2017-06-18 05:27 pm (UTC)he wakes and he shifts and he turns toward her. peggy curls her fingers against the back of his neck and steadies him in place. she pulls a breath which ruffles his hair. ]
I would have thought you're already well-accustomed to it -- given what mornings aboard the Starstruck are like.
[ a little purposefully obtuse, perhaps. ]
action »
Date: 2017-06-18 07:53 pm (UTC)[ his smile is evident now, lips curling against her shoulder. he noses closer, kisses the patch of skin he finds there. it's a quiet sort of comfort. they seem to shift between this and vibrant conversation about fond memories and nature documentaries and steve is fond of all of it, the talkative moments as well as these quieter ones. ]
You okay?
[ these nights only seem to be more difficult as time goes by. ]
action »
Date: 2017-06-18 11:03 pm (UTC)she kisses his crown. it's an easy and familiar gesture, by now. but no less sweet for it. ]
I am now. [ peggy answers. and it's honest enough. ] Another rough night?
action »
Date: 2017-06-19 04:46 am (UTC)[ he doesn't attempt to put on any sort of a brave face, not when the truth is so evident and when he's a rather poor liar. Instead, he shifts when she does until his body nearly covers hers. The first time the dance hall nightmare manifested, when wanda created it from his fears and his regrets, it was a painful blow that made certain his mind was somewhere else in the battle.
It might have been the same here if it weren't for her. But Peggy is right there and he looks up, traces her jawline with his thumb. ]
Much better now.
[ in the world the atroma made for him, he will always try to be there for that dance and he will always miss it.
Here, he made it on time more than once. Awkward dancer but still. ]
action »
Date: 2017-06-19 06:29 pm (UTC)she's here. but so is he. funerals and memorials be damned, they still have each other for a little longer. last night's losses make this morning a little bit sweeter. no touch, no breath, no scrap of affection can be taken for granted. ]
Perhaps we should be taking turns.
[ her fingers paint invisible lines along his back. ]
Tomorrow, you can come and 'wake' me up.
action »
Date: 2017-06-21 06:29 pm (UTC)her suggestion or perhaps the fleeting touch of her fingers draw a content sigh. he can feel her heartbeat , steady as it is and for a moment he thinks the rhythm might lull back to sleep again. ]
Are you sure it's in your best interest?
[ this arrangement might mean more than the usual stolen twenty minutes in bed. ]
action »
Date: 2017-06-23 11:40 am (UTC)[ plenty, she knows. last time they'd been taken onto the marsiva, little secrets had made themselves known -- and not the sorts from inside others' heads. if she refrains from telling him so now, then it's only because she knows he'll exhaust himself trying to tear every wall apart.
and peggy -- well, she's not yet convinced those breadcrumbs aren't a trail left behind on purpose just to enervate them. so she keeps it to herself. ]
Might as well spend it with you.
action »
Date: 2017-06-23 06:38 pm (UTC)[ which is more of a compliment than a complain. trust a sharp, clever mind to find something to do even here. however, whatever it is, it could stand to wait a few more minutes, surely. he lifts himself on one elbow, eyeing her. ]
Alright, tomorrow morning, same time. it's a date.
[ he smiles, brushes a few hair strands away from her cheek. ]
You look nice.
action »
Date: 2017-06-24 01:12 pm (UTC)her nose crinkles when he turns sentimental again. ]
You're hardly impartial.
[ but the compliment is nice enough. she'd never be caught lingering with anyone else with so little polish put in place. even if that polish is simply combat boots and a practical plait. ]
action »
Date: 2017-06-27 08:27 pm (UTC)[ though whenever he relents so easily he also offers some sort of sassy commentary. Today isn't different. Steve could tell her he thinks her most beautiful without her armor, he could probably be bolder and add and fewer clothes and get away with murder.
Instead, he leans in, bumps his nose against hers. ]
If you're really doubting me, we could take a poll.
action »
Date: 2017-06-27 08:50 pm (UTC)(it's working.)
for months, now, he's been coiling his arguments around the absurd idea that they should treat their relationship like a public thing: to be announced, alluded to, acknowledged. and peggy has taken small steps to that end. but does it really matter? anyone whose opinion they care about already knows and doesn't need to be told. and if there's someone left in the dark, they soon won't be once the nightly dream-rooms get through with them. ]
We could. [ she huffs, tweaking the cuff of his ear. his head stays near; she looks him in his eyes. ] But we won't. You won't.
[ don't you even dare. ]