-- It's all I did at the SSR after the war. Cups and cups and carafes of the stuff. 'Marge, bring us some coffee,' all bloody day long. The smell turns my stomach.
[ quick and sharp like rifle-shot. too many details are volunteered; she shakes her head.
and yet. and yet there's so much more he could have asked, and she can't help but blurt: ] Christ, I love you.
Thompson does. Among other names. [ she huffs, shaking her head. there's a visible wince the moment the words leave her lips. ] Neither detail is something I'd ordinarily tell anyone. Not even you.
[ it takes him a moment to put two and two together before - ]
I see.
[ well that's not good at all. and just when she acquired all these new memories she's not sure what to do with. he sighs, he could kill the atroma. ]
alright. let's think - we can get through this. we just need a plan. these things never last too long. you'll need to avoid one-on-ones and then maybe we could make it work. don't worry.
[ he may not be able to go back in time and solve her gamma ray and whitney frost problem but surely this, here, is doable. ]
we'll figure something out. in the mean time, I'm not asking you anything at all anymore, until we're sure it passed.
[ and just like that, steve shifts immediately into an attempt to find a solution. or, at least, a working protocol that might see her through this time with as little pain as possible. 'we'll figure something out,' he promises her. and from another person, she might have resented the sudden appropriation of her worry and her predicament.
he tells her she needs to avoid one-on-ones; he doesn't extend that avoidance to himself. ]
You know, I'm not convinced I could be as good about it if our positions were reversed.
[ -- she'd ask questions. god, she would ask questions. ]
[ nothing is assuaged, really. but peggy manages to set the worst of it aside -- reminding herself that it is of home and not of here. even so, she remains on edge. torn between leaping back to her feet and staying seated, stiff, where she is. ]
Should work. [ she echoes him with a snort. she knows as well as he does the kind of power that puts in his hands -- the things he could be asking, discussing, investigating. not too long ago they'd sat in this very room and, as she'd scraped his chin clean of his coma-beard, he'd asked her why they shouldn't be married.
as frustrating as he'd been then, it's impossible not to understand how decent he's being about it just now. again, she thinks she could never match that pitch. ]
Ideally, it will. I'm not so keen on the idea of avoiding you altogether during the next few days.
[ he moves, gets up to reach for her tea cup and hand it back to her. ]
we'll just have to stick to subjects that are safe.
[ he walks to his table, to the drawer that usually houses the box where he keeps the ring ( these days, it's hidden beneath his undershirt ) but pulls out a notepad and offers it to her. ]
I kept notes during the week. Figured you could use them when you wake up.
[ everything that's been said of weird dreams, the departure from the planet, the re-stocking and re-ordering of the kitchen. ]
[ she's not proud of it -- but when he touches the drawer, she stiffens. her fingers contract around the tea cup. the fact that she says nothing, that she holds her tongue, is testament to how she trusts him to keep his word and play this fairly.
he mentions notes. he mentions work. and she nearly smiles at the irony that either of them should find the subject 'safe.' ]
-- You reorganized the kitchen? [ it's the first observation she makes when glancing over his notes. a report, nearly. and there's something bone-deep pleasant about receiving even a makeshift report from captain rogers once more. ]
Well, we got all these glass jars at that other planet, figured we could use them instead of some of the older tins. I went ahead and replaced them. it's easier to tell what's in them now but I put stickers on the lids anyway.
Back then -- [ she alludes to when they'd first known each other. during the war, during the howling commandos, during everything that had gone unsaid and undone and unexpressed. ] I never pinned you as the domestic type. Tidying cupboards and labeling jars.
[ her tea's gone lukewarm by now. all the same, she takes a sip. ]
[ he laughs, drops his gaze to his palms; the gesture is almost shy. she's not wrong, of course. in fact, her assessment is entirely correct. still - ]
Never figured I'll have to keep things tidy on a spaceship.
[ back then. it's so rare that they talk about these days that steve worries it might have to do with the glitch. ]
There wasn't that much to do. can't do much about dreams.
[ she imagines he mustn't have. this conversation would have gone differently -- his notes, too, would have been different. she flicks through the few pages, always impressed with the thorough nature of his work. even when thoroughness wasn't exactly merited. ]
Dreams, I mean.
[ even if he can't ask her questions, she can ask some of him. ]
[ bucky. peggy's not proud of how it takes a moment to readjust to the memories about barnes as they slot into place. oh, yes, bucky. alive and himself and then she remembers howard and... ]
-- Did any of ours?
[ ours. their crew. she's quick to claim them, no matter the state of her memories. her throat clears; she's avoiding one topic in favour of another. ]
Not that I know of. If they did, they haven't been speaking about it.
[ though he's not proud to admit he wasn't the most accessible to them during the week. his mood wasn't good and he's taken to being reclusive, as he usually does when something goes amiss in a way that doesn't endanger lives. ]
They're not all the most talkative lot -- [ she says with a waggle of her head, neither a shake nor a nod but some sort of non-committal gesture caught between the two. peggy brushes dog hair off the bedspread with a sigh and...
and, well, she thinks about the least talkative of the lot. the one who'd guarded her bedside the last time she'd been knocked out like this. ]
What about Max? Has he caused you any trouble?
[ she imagines the rest might listen to steve in her absence. max, however, is something of a particular case. ]
[ he fears she might be able to spell out the truth. he's been good at the technical side of maintaining her position, minding the network, doing reports, making sure they're well-stocked before they left the planet.
engaging with people, however, hasn't been his strongest suit. ]
[ there's the augment again, working its dark magic. steve hadn't asked a question, but when peggy asks hers there's a hint of confession to be found in the words. it isn't that she's disappointed max hasn't been around -- but rather that she finds his absence troubling. has he been out, again, getting himself into scraps?
or perhaps it's steve that's the change in the equation. last time, there'd been no captain america to darken the doorstep with worry. last time, the room had been her room and not their room. so peggy shakes her head, holds up a hand before he can answer the question, and asks a different one instead. ]
What about you? You alright?
[ the question she should have asked from the outset but whose answer she suspects she already knows. ]
[ he frowns, watching something play behind her eyes, watching her ask a question and dropping it. evidently confused, he almost forgets that she asked him another question altogether. it dawns on him a heartbeat later and he shakes his head, tries to shake the confusion with it. ]
I don't think I could have caused much of anything.
[ it's hard to when one avoids interactions at all costs. he assumes their crew knows he's been avoiding them but then again, avoidance has yet to cause strife. ]
[ oh hell. she will see her punching bag. it just now dawns on him that despite hermione and bucky's help in putting it together again, she'll see it and then -
he doesn't hurry to accept the praise; he clears his throat and manages a smile. ]
no dents anywhere, for that matter.
[ well it was never a dent. more of a tear, really. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2017-09-01 08:14 pm (UTC)[ quick and sharp like rifle-shot. too many details are volunteered; she shakes her head.
and yet. and yet there's so much more he could have asked, and she can't help but blurt: ] Christ, I love you.
[ because he asked about coffee. what a saint. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-09-01 08:20 pm (UTC)[ oh hell, maybe it's better he wasn't there. he can't stand it at all, not his best girl turned into a barista by a couple of inadequate jerks - ]
well.
[ he is so very confused, evidently. still, he smiles, brings her palm to his lips ]
I love you too, Peg, more than anything, really - but I have a feeling I'm missing something here.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-01 08:30 pm (UTC)[ she meets his eyes with an unhappy shrug. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-09-01 08:35 pm (UTC)I see.
[ well that's not good at all. and just when she acquired all these new memories she's not sure what to do with. he sighs, he could kill the atroma. ]
alright. let's think - we can get through this. we just need a plan. these things never last too long. you'll need to avoid one-on-ones and then maybe we could make it work. don't worry.
[ he may not be able to go back in time and solve her gamma ray and whitney frost problem but surely this, here, is doable. ]
we'll figure something out. in the mean time, I'm not asking you anything at all anymore, until we're sure it passed.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 01:06 am (UTC)he tells her she needs to avoid one-on-ones; he doesn't extend that avoidance to himself. ]
You know, I'm not convinced I could be as good about it if our positions were reversed.
[ -- she'd ask questions. god, she would ask questions. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 10:06 am (UTC)[ he'll just have to be careful about saying anything that might invoke any details that she wouldn't have said otherwise. ]
I just won't ask you anything. should work.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 11:09 am (UTC)Should work. [ she echoes him with a snort. she knows as well as he does the kind of power that puts in his hands -- the things he could be asking, discussing, investigating. not too long ago they'd sat in this very room and, as she'd scraped his chin clean of his coma-beard, he'd asked her why they shouldn't be married.
as frustrating as he'd been then, it's impossible not to understand how decent he's being about it just now. again, she thinks she could never match that pitch. ]
Ideally, it will. I'm not so keen on the idea of avoiding you altogether during the next few days.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 11:47 am (UTC)we'll just have to stick to subjects that are safe.
[ he walks to his table, to the drawer that usually houses the box where he keeps the ring ( these days, it's hidden beneath his undershirt ) but pulls out a notepad and offers it to her. ]
I kept notes during the week. Figured you could use them when you wake up.
[ everything that's been said of weird dreams, the departure from the planet, the re-stocking and re-ordering of the kitchen. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 12:02 pm (UTC)he mentions notes. he mentions work. and she nearly smiles at the irony that either of them should find the subject 'safe.' ]
-- You reorganized the kitchen? [ it's the first observation she makes when glancing over his notes. a report, nearly. and there's something bone-deep pleasant about receiving even a makeshift report from captain rogers once more. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 12:15 pm (UTC)[ it kept him busy for a day or so. ]
So not the whole kitchen, just all the tins.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 12:24 pm (UTC)[ her tea's gone lukewarm by now. all the same, she takes a sip. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 12:33 pm (UTC)Never figured I'll have to keep things tidy on a spaceship.
[ back then. it's so rare that they talk about these days that steve worries it might have to do with the glitch. ]
There wasn't that much to do. can't do much about dreams.
[ especially with her asleep. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 12:38 pm (UTC)[ she imagines he mustn't have. this conversation would have gone differently -- his notes, too, would have been different. she flicks through the few pages, always impressed with the thorough nature of his work. even when thoroughness wasn't exactly merited. ]
Dreams, I mean.
[ even if he can't ask her questions, she can ask some of him. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 12:48 pm (UTC)[ he shakes his head, reclaiming his place by her side and looking at the notes. ]
Not a one.
[ his dreams have never been pleasant but they haven't been this odd, either. a small mercy, really. ]
one of bucky's crew did, Wrath.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 12:56 pm (UTC)-- Did any of ours?
[ ours. their crew. she's quick to claim them, no matter the state of her memories. her throat clears; she's avoiding one topic in favour of another. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 01:13 pm (UTC)[ though he's not proud to admit he wasn't the most accessible to them during the week. his mood wasn't good and he's taken to being reclusive, as he usually does when something goes amiss in a way that doesn't endanger lives. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 01:19 pm (UTC)and, well, she thinks about the least talkative of the lot. the one who'd guarded her bedside the last time she'd been knocked out like this. ]
What about Max? Has he caused you any trouble?
[ she imagines the rest might listen to steve in her absence. max, however, is something of a particular case. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 01:25 pm (UTC)[ he shakes his head. ]
No trouble, no.
[ he fears she might be able to spell out the truth. he's been good at the technical side of maintaining her position, minding the network, doing reports, making sure they're well-stocked before they left the planet.
engaging with people, however, hasn't been his strongest suit. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 01:32 pm (UTC)[ there's the augment again, working its dark magic. steve hadn't asked a question, but when peggy asks hers there's a hint of confession to be found in the words. it isn't that she's disappointed max hasn't been around -- but rather that she finds his absence troubling. has he been out, again, getting himself into scraps?
or perhaps it's steve that's the change in the equation. last time, there'd been no captain america to darken the doorstep with worry. last time, the room had been her room and not their room. so peggy shakes her head, holds up a hand before he can answer the question, and asks a different one instead. ]
What about you? You alright?
[ the question she should have asked from the outset but whose answer she suspects she already knows. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 02:04 pm (UTC)I'm fine, yeah.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 02:12 pm (UTC)[ she repeats the word -- underlining, perhaps, its barely-there veneer of sincerity. ]
One week, hm? So I pray you only managed to cause a third of the strife I did while you were out for three.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 02:19 pm (UTC)[ it's hard to when one avoids interactions at all costs. he assumes their crew knows he's been avoiding them but then again, avoidance has yet to cause strife. ]
I kept busy. It's been fine.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 02:21 pm (UTC)[ though, admittedly, she's yet to leave the room. ]
Well done.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 02:25 pm (UTC)[ oh hell. she will see her punching bag. it just now dawns on him that despite hermione and bucky's help in putting it together again, she'll see it and then -
he doesn't hurry to accept the praise; he clears his throat and manages a smile. ]
no dents anywhere, for that matter.
[ well it was never a dent. more of a tear, really. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 02:26 pm (UTC)[ 'got' smashed. ]
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: