She's fine, she -- [ she's not fine. that's not the right word, not one bit. and peggy (starting to feel the weight of the glitch) doesn't stop herself from clarifying. ] She's awake, but Mister Jarvis told me there were...complications.
[ that alone is too much. peggy turns away. ] He doesn't know. Here, that is. He doesn't know what's going to happen to her.
[ and with an icy grip she realizes she's going to have to tell him. ]
[ he gets up, places both hands on her shoulder. He has never quite seen her like this and it troubles him. ]
Okay. One thing at a time . We'll figure it out. She's fine, there's that. That woman - she's not here. You told me it takes for those memories to sort themselves out. Let's give it another hour. Your memories from here - they're clear?
[ he still remembers atroma taking wanda's memories, holding her in his arms when they finally rushed back. ]
[ one thing at a time, he prompts her once more, and this time she swallows the caution with better grace. steve's right; whitney frost isn't here. shouldn't be here. that wicked genius, twisted by zero matter and heaven knows what else, is far from this room and this ship and this fleet. but the consequences of her villainy settle heavy on peggy's shoulders.
she tries to follow her own advice when he offers it. ]
I remember you. [ clear as crystal. him, his touch, his laughter, his smile -- although she knows it's far away just now. peggy remembers his kiss and she feels guilty, knowing barely a days 'earlier' she'd been enjoying someone else's. those memories feel too close. ] I remember us.
[ she's eager to reassure him on that count, at least. ]
[ which is mainly why he asked. a part of him does relax at her reassurance, however. it would fit atroma to give her back with a kaleidoscope of memories, some missing, some unclear. ]
there's been all sorts of talk. weird dreams. I think atroma have been accessing people's minds again, making them see and hear things.
[ the atroma. she'd been quick to remember him, to remember what he means to her and how he means it here, but the larger picture slides into focus only when he prompts its reminder. her lip curls. hell back home; hell here.
well. hell, with generous slices of heaven. she does seem to be breathing easier when she at long last manages to look at him for more than a few seconds. has he always been this devastatingly handsome? or is this just absence making her heart all the fonder. there's no hiding the affection she holds for him, no matter how dire the rest of the conversation. ]
There's nothing new in that. [ is there? isn't there? she gives her head a shake. ] But I suppose I can't prove I'm unaffected. See and hear things like what?
Can't say, didn't happen to me. From what I've been hearing on the network, nothing good. people waking up feeling like screaming, fire, feeling despair, something about a world dying.
[ it's clear that for a change, he hasn't gone out to talk to people. he's been listening, following, reading, making notes, nothing beyond that. it's been a week and steve knew he wasn't in any position to offer comfort to anyone. ]
[ it's layer on layer. bad upon bad. problems roil still in her stomach -- she scrubs her palm across her chin and shakes her head and she tries not to think about the obvious meaning behind steve's distant description. he's kept himself aloof from the problem. he's been distracted.
and it's this realization that has her giving in and going to him -- sitting beside him and offering her hand. so much as she'd done for jarvis, sitting and waiting in the hospital during ana's surgery. ]
I'm sorry. [ she rarely apologizes. and never lightly. but she feels it now -- guilt and restlessness and she remembers what agony it had been waiting on him while he'd been asleep. ]
[ i'm fine, that was the mantra only no one really bought it. instead, there was hermione and there was natasha and bucky and they kept him more or less focused. but in the wake of nightly terrors, steve would pace much like she had done, worrying about atroma tormenting her with the same images.
as it turns out, his assumption wasn't entirely far-fetched - it simply include different horrors. he takes her hand in his. ]
none of it was your fault. somehow these things always happen at the same time.
[ he sighs and looks at her ]
I know I can't solve this one for you, but if there's anything I can do.
[ he nods. just say the word isn't said but is heavily implied. ]
-- You could try coming out of the ice a few decades early.
[ she means to make a joke. it falls flat when she feels its sting, and finds herself missing some elemental piece of their easy familiarity. her fresh memories make the grief that much sharper.
Believe me, I would have done it years ago if I knew how.
[ he smiles but the confession is rather telling. there doesn't seem to be a conflict of any sort between the world he left and the world he woke up at, none at all. in truth, steve always knew home was a concept he lost somewhere between the ice and the 21st century. ]
[ mercenary, maybe. but she doesn't mind admitting (it seems) that she wishes she could have him instead of the future holding him hostage. it's got big problems; he's a big solution. still, she covets him. enough to keep his coordinates in her memory and -- yes, with a breath of relief -- she realizes she remembers those too.
luckily, the conversation skirts the very edge of her having to admit to knowing them. ]
I'm afraid there's not much to be done. Whitney Frost must be stopped: that's all. Easier said than done, considering Jarvis shot her at what was as good as point blank range and she still got up again.
Our only lead is -- oh, hell, what did Samberly call it. [ a click of her fingers. ] Gamma radiation. Howard sent through designs for a cannon that could shoot the stuff at...
[ she trails off, rubbing the bridge of her nose. ] The science isn't my strongest suit either, I'm afraid.
It doesn't. [ make her stronger. which is to say, the rays have already been shot. the cannon has already been fired. ] And it's how we just about barely managed to contain an atomic explosion that threatened to tear a fresh hole into wherever-the-devil Zero Matter comes from.
[ and because (just maybe) she's feeling sore that he sees fit to lecture her at all: ] Without it, our best asset in bringing Isodyne to bear -- a Doctor Jason Wilkes -- would have surely been killed.
[ aw jeez. he groans, covering his face with a palm. ]
it has consequences. The first time I heard about gamma rays was after I woke up from the ice. Gamma rays - the one person exposed to them is Bruce Banner. He's - the Hulk.
[ though he likes to think he would have heard of another hulk sometimes in the 40s, maybe it's all okay anyway. ]
He worked with gamma radiation and ended up changing into - well. you heard about him, right? he turns into the Hulk whenever he's angry.
[ he frowns ]
it's what got him to join the Avengers at a time. they needed someone who understands gamma rays since - well. apparently, red skull's weapon left traces of it.
[ she doesn't stomach well the way steve covers his face, nor the way he frowns, nor even the tone he takes when he dares to outline the very dangers of what's dealt with. her chest puffs; her dander rises. ]
Your Bruce Banner, [ she huffs, ] likely comes a great deal of years after my little predicament, yes? Seems a bit futile to get shirty with me over data I won't have.
[ she looks stern with him -- her walls are instantly up, no matter how tightly she holds his hand. ]
We're doing the best we can with the intel we've got.
It sounds like you are. [ doubting me. and although the opinions of others never much mattered, steve's certainly does. nowadays, at any rate. his 'sorry' barely registers, but his list of all else certainly does. she makes not of each and every one. what the devil is an infinity stone, for one.
she shakes her head. ] I made a call; I don't need you sitting here leveling criticism at it. If it was you, left back in '47 and confronted with the same choice, I'm convinced you would have done the same.
[ -- she hopes he would have. she dreams he might have. peggy tries to live her life based on his example, a fact made evident in the memories he'd seen during calibrations. this counterargument now treads dangerously close to that same sentiment. it's enough to put colour high in her cheeks. ]
[ he says, not without a hint of tension of his own, not without a tone of warning. lord knows what he'd give to be left back in his proper place in time. it wasn't perfect but god, it was home and steve does miss home.
but that's not peggy's fault and it's not her doing that steve simply knows too much and knowing too much has always come with a price. ]
I would have.
[ he nods.he's been so defensive of it all; Greatest generation? You guys did some nasty stuff, fury had said and steve nearly lost his temper. ]
[ on this -- all of a sudden, on this, he doesn't fight back. he admits to what she's posited and she sees no raised fists in his words. no bullheaded bollocksing difficulty presented just for her to swerve and weave. it leaves her with nowhere to point her restlessness or her dismay. nowhere, really, but inward.
thoughtless (because she doesn't remember it healing half-so-well) she pushes a hand under her pajama top and rubs at the scar that had healed twice over now. something tells her it ought to still burn and sting the way it did back home.
with a grunt, she slumps backward onto the bed. not a surrender -- just an easing of the guard. ]
She can't have children. Not now. [ so she loops back to ana. as painful as it is, it's clearly a safer subject for the pair of them. ] How am I meat to explain any of this to Jarvis? Should I explain any of this to Jarvis? I don't see how I have any right to keep it from him -- not now.
-- He tried to murder a woman over it. [ which, alright, peggy can understand the inclination for revenge. it's terribly human. ] And that woman might not be here, but it's not as though Mister Jarvis isn't in a delicate spot already what with learning about Howard's death and...
[ and that's precisely when she snaps her mouth shut and sits back up -- quick, stiff, and upset. she'd never meant to say as much. she'd purposefully hidden that revelation from steve the first time around, and not so she could just casually reveal it now. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2017-09-01 03:21 pm (UTC)[ that alone is too much. peggy turns away. ] He doesn't know. Here, that is. He doesn't know what's going to happen to her.
[ and with an icy grip she realizes she's going to have to tell him. ]
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Date: 2017-09-01 03:29 pm (UTC)Okay. One thing at a time . We'll figure it out. She's fine, there's that. That woman - she's not here. You told me it takes for those memories to sort themselves out. Let's give it another hour. Your memories from here - they're clear?
[ he still remembers atroma taking wanda's memories, holding her in his arms when they finally rushed back. ]
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Date: 2017-09-01 03:46 pm (UTC)she tries to follow her own advice when he offers it. ]
I remember you. [ clear as crystal. him, his touch, his laughter, his smile -- although she knows it's far away just now. peggy remembers his kiss and she feels guilty, knowing barely a days 'earlier' she'd been enjoying someone else's. those memories feel too close. ] I remember us.
[ she's eager to reassure him on that count, at least. ]
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Date: 2017-09-01 04:03 pm (UTC)[ which is mainly why he asked. a part of him does relax at her reassurance, however. it would fit atroma to give her back with a kaleidoscope of memories, some missing, some unclear. ]
there's been all sorts of talk. weird dreams. I think atroma have been accessing people's minds again, making them see and hear things.
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Date: 2017-09-01 04:07 pm (UTC)well. hell, with generous slices of heaven. she does seem to be breathing easier when she at long last manages to look at him for more than a few seconds. has he always been this devastatingly handsome? or is this just absence making her heart all the fonder. there's no hiding the affection she holds for him, no matter how dire the rest of the conversation. ]
There's nothing new in that. [ is there? isn't there? she gives her head a shake. ] But I suppose I can't prove I'm unaffected. See and hear things like what?
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Date: 2017-09-01 04:13 pm (UTC)[ it's clear that for a change, he hasn't gone out to talk to people. he's been listening, following, reading, making notes, nothing beyond that. it's been a week and steve knew he wasn't in any position to offer comfort to anyone. ]
the usual, it would seem.
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Date: 2017-09-01 04:19 pm (UTC)and it's this realization that has her giving in and going to him -- sitting beside him and offering her hand. so much as she'd done for jarvis, sitting and waiting in the hospital during ana's surgery. ]
I'm sorry. [ she rarely apologizes. and never lightly. but she feels it now -- guilt and restlessness and she remembers what agony it had been waiting on him while he'd been asleep. ]
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Date: 2017-09-01 04:27 pm (UTC)as it turns out, his assumption wasn't entirely far-fetched - it simply include different horrors. he takes her hand in his. ]
none of it was your fault. somehow these things always happen at the same time.
[ he sighs and looks at her ]
I know I can't solve this one for you, but if there's anything I can do.
[ he nods. just say the word isn't said but is heavily implied. ]
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Date: 2017-09-01 04:43 pm (UTC)[ she means to make a joke. it falls flat when she feels its sting, and finds herself missing some elemental piece of their easy familiarity. her fresh memories make the grief that much sharper.
but his hand in hers helps. their fingers lace. ]
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Date: 2017-09-01 05:10 pm (UTC)[ he smiles but the confession is rather telling. there doesn't seem to be a conflict of any sort between the world he left and the world he woke up at, none at all. in truth, steve always knew home was a concept he lost somewhere between the ice and the 21st century. ]
I'm not that good at science, though.
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Date: 2017-09-01 05:14 pm (UTC)[ mercenary, maybe. but she doesn't mind admitting (it seems) that she wishes she could have him instead of the future holding him hostage. it's got big problems; he's a big solution. still, she covets him. enough to keep his coordinates in her memory and -- yes, with a breath of relief -- she realizes she remembers those too.
luckily, the conversation skirts the very edge of her having to admit to knowing them. ]
I'm afraid there's not much to be done. Whitney Frost must be stopped: that's all. Easier said than done, considering Jarvis shot her at what was as good as point blank range and she still got up again.
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Date: 2017-09-01 05:19 pm (UTC)[ even those who seem to be quite beyond anything human. steve thinks of the winter soldier and the hulk and gives her hand a reassuring squeeze. ]
It's just a matter of finding it but there's something. there's always something.
[ he hums, considering it ]
you'll figure it out. maybe it's not as likely as shooting her but something will stop her.
[ lord, he's rather happy it's one problem that doesn't haunt these halls. ]
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Date: 2017-09-01 05:31 pm (UTC)[ she trails off, rubbing the bridge of her nose. ] The science isn't my strongest suit either, I'm afraid.
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Date: 2017-09-01 05:41 pm (UTC)[ steve turns, sharp and startled. he can't blame the man, it's howard stark's son who would meet the result of gamma rays but still. ]
if that thing somehow ends up here in any way, we gotta destroy it. He shouldn't - gamma radiation isn't really something one should mess with.
[ never mind shoot out of a cannon ]
it might make her stronger if she's anywhere near it.
[ in a horrible, horrible way. ]
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Date: 2017-09-01 05:50 pm (UTC)[ and because (just maybe) she's feeling sore that he sees fit to lecture her at all: ] Without it, our best asset in bringing Isodyne to bear -- a Doctor Jason Wilkes -- would have surely been killed.
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Date: 2017-09-01 05:56 pm (UTC)[ aw jeez. he groans, covering his face with a palm. ]
it has consequences. The first time I heard about gamma rays was after I woke up from the ice. Gamma rays - the one person exposed to them is Bruce Banner. He's - the Hulk.
[ though he likes to think he would have heard of another hulk sometimes in the 40s, maybe it's all okay anyway. ]
He worked with gamma radiation and ended up changing into - well. you heard about him, right? he turns into the Hulk whenever he's angry.
[ he frowns ]
it's what got him to join the Avengers at a time. they needed someone who understands gamma rays since - well. apparently, red skull's weapon left traces of it.
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Date: 2017-09-01 06:18 pm (UTC)Your Bruce Banner, [ she huffs, ] likely comes a great deal of years after my little predicament, yes? Seems a bit futile to get shirty with me over data I won't have.
[ she looks stern with him -- her walls are instantly up, no matter how tightly she holds his hand. ]
We're doing the best we can with the intel we've got.
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Date: 2017-09-01 06:31 pm (UTC)[ keeping the Tesseract, trying to harvest its power - it's hubris at its worst and it brought such terrible, terrible results. ]
I'm not getting - [ did she say shirty? what does that even - ] shirty -
[ there's no way this is a word. ]
I'm just worried, that's all. I'm sorry, you're right.
[ she is, he realizes. lord, he wishes he could chase away the thoughts of banner ]
I just - it'll sound stupid but it's one of those things I wish wouldn't have ended up discovered. gamma rays, the Tesseract, infinity stones.
[ the list is getting longer as of late ]
I don't doubt you, never had.
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Date: 2017-09-01 06:45 pm (UTC)she shakes her head. ] I made a call; I don't need you sitting here leveling criticism at it. If it was you, left back in '47 and confronted with the same choice, I'm convinced you would have done the same.
[ -- she hopes he would have. she dreams he might have. peggy tries to live her life based on his example, a fact made evident in the memories he'd seen during calibrations. this counterargument now treads dangerously close to that same sentiment. it's enough to put colour high in her cheeks. ]
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Date: 2017-09-01 06:59 pm (UTC)[ he says, not without a hint of tension of his own, not without a tone of warning. lord knows what he'd give to be left back in his proper place in time. it wasn't perfect but god, it was home and steve does miss home.
but that's not peggy's fault and it's not her doing that steve simply knows too much and knowing too much has always come with a price. ]
I would have.
[ he nods.he's been so defensive of it all; Greatest generation? You guys did some nasty stuff, fury had said and steve nearly lost his temper. ]
I know I would have.
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Date: 2017-09-01 07:19 pm (UTC)thoughtless (because she doesn't remember it healing half-so-well) she pushes a hand under her pajama top and rubs at the scar that had healed twice over now. something tells her it ought to still burn and sting the way it did back home.
with a grunt, she slumps backward onto the bed. not a surrender -- just an easing of the guard. ]
She can't have children. Not now. [ so she loops back to ana. as painful as it is, it's clearly a safer subject for the pair of them. ] How am I meat to explain any of this to Jarvis? Should I explain any of this to Jarvis? I don't see how I have any right to keep it from him -- not now.
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Date: 2017-09-01 07:26 pm (UTC)[ he can't offer her any sound advice save for his own troubled thoughts of the matters ]
sometimes when we love people we spare them. I don't know - it'll happen anyway but.
[ he shrugs. he would have hidden her funeral from her if he could. he still keeps the secret of a vase full of peonies. ]
whatever happens, he'll have you for support. going through this with someone is a little easier. you just do what you think best, Pegs.
[ he smiles a bit ]
you're his best friend, here. no one knows better than you.
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Date: 2017-09-01 07:30 pm (UTC)[ and that's precisely when she snaps her mouth shut and sits back up -- quick, stiff, and upset. she'd never meant to say as much. she'd purposefully hidden that revelation from steve the first time around, and not so she could just casually reveal it now. ]
Something's wrong.
[ she blanches. ]
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Date: 2017-09-01 07:33 pm (UTC)[ hell if someone had touched her here, steve would have been as unstoppable as the infamous winter soldier, fueled by his anger.
he startles, moving back. her mood changes so quickly that he almost doesn't register the moment it shifts about ]
what is it? Peg?
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Date: 2017-09-01 07:38 pm (UTC)[ a waggle of her hand, whipping the air as if to encourage him. ]
Something I wouldn't normally want to answer. Go on -- quick.
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